Writing articles has been excruciating lately. As a writer, I create art with words. I reach into heaven, pull down Truth, and do my best to deliver complex ideas in bite-sized, actionable steps
But not right now.
I’m living moment by moment uncertain. Research isn’t helpful because there are few things written about what I’m going through. And I don’t have things wrapped up in a neat little life coaching package that gives you the magic answer to life.
Each line I write requires checking in with Truth because I’m going through what my beautiful son Christian would say, “the apocalypse.”
a·poc·a·lypse
- an event involving destruction or damage on an awesome or catastrophic scale.
Here’s what is happening: I’ve decided to live my truth, no matter what. And people aren’t happy about it. At all.
By withdrawing my compliance, I’m challenging their “stability.”
By rejecting the status quo, others feel judged.
And their response is to attack me and try to keep me down.
My intent is not to harm. Truly it is not. I don’t want to spend any more time fighting against the darkness. I only want to reach for the light. But for them, there is no other way to see what I am doing other than a fight.
I’m no stranger to making decisions that wreak havoc on my life and those around me. The choice to be more has always resulted in crushing push-back from my culture.
You see, I, like many of you, have always felt unsatisfied and deeply misunderstood.
A few years ago, my best friend sent me a graceful song that summed up my experience perfectly. The song is “Passionflower” by Jon Gomm, and the lyrics that resonated with me are:
“Born in your tiny prison cell. A million times smaller than you are.”
The environment I was born into has always felt profoundly restrictive.
When I pressed forward, first asking for cooperation and then realizing my only course of action was out, the opposition has been nearly impossible to overcome.
In the past, when I’ve decided to change or leave, my support has been withdrawn, and I was ambushed with everything from hacking in my computer to having my electricity cut off.
Which made me spend years trying to win re-approval. And question my own sanity.
Here is what is different this time: I have the courage and experience to know my truth, speak it, and live it. And most importantly, to know that I will find safety and love with will those like me on the other side.
I’m moving forward. I know what is right. And this time, though truthfully, I am riddled with anxiety and often curled up in the fetal position, I am confident that my guidance system is the only guide that is right.
And the only thing that can go wrong is to be pulled back into not trusting myself.
The truth is that the only way I (and you) can be bright and beautiful, to bring to the world our gifts, is to forge ahead.
Those who want to come with me will. Those who aren’t ready for where I am going won’t.
I hope my journey explains why I have such a heart to support people, like me, ostracized and outcast simply because they are not like those in power. These individuals often find themselves in a downward spiral of “mental illness,” institutions, or imprisonment merely because they dared to be different. But the will is strong, and eventually, people see their strength and dare to be different.
If you can relate, I’m sending you a virtual hug and vibes of courage and peace. And I’ll leave with you the other beautiful lines from Jon Gomm’s song:
“Weakness is not your weakness. You are what you grow into. You’re not what you were.”
Weakness is not your weakness. It is your strength. Keep going.
With love, Tami
Tami Green earned the title “America’s Most Respected Life Coach” through her Truth-telling. She empowers others to do the same. You can book her as a speaker here.
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